Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
