even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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