No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
