would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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