I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
