She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
