I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
