Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Randomize
