Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
