he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
