Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
