mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
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