There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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