DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
