I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
