I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
