So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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