Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Randomize
