Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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