You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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