this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
