is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
