He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
