Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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