Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
