I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Randomize