she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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