Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
