YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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