you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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