after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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