I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
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