Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
