Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
