I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
