I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
