please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
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