There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
