Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I fill condoms, not promises.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
