I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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