Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
