so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
