that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
