Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
