I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
