yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I'm both gender and math confused
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
