I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
