my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
