Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
