His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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