she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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