I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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