If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
