God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
