Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
