she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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