What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
