Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
