Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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