did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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