I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Randomize
