My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
