Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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