My sheets look like a crime scene.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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