I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
