dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
