You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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