toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
