Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
We left the knife in your bed.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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