I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize