Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
