I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
you didnt know i had herpes?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
