Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
we should paint friendship bongs
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